


Need This Torture

by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)



Series: Don't Let's Start [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Actions and consequences, Found Family, Gen, Mission Fic, Of a strange sort, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticReactions/pseuds/BossToaster
Summary: Alone on an alien planet, Shiro and Ryou try to survive an attack from Lotor and his generals until the team can arrive.  In the process, the secret Shiro has been guarding finally comes out.





	Need This Torture

“Do you think luck might be quantifiable?”

Shiro paused and glanced back at Ryou.  In the dark forest, his pure white armor stood out like a glowing beacon, and the helmet obscured most of his face.

It had been stupid of Shiro to make Ryou such visible armor.  But, then again, his own black armor wasn’t any more inconspicuous.  Between the white plating and glowing highlights, neither of them were prepared for this situation.

_ Stupid.  _  They’d been so stupid.  Shiro and Ryou hadn’t even planned on being on the planet. But the nervous leaders had insisted on having bodyguards.  Just in case the Galra decided to show their displeasure while the paladins  _ (other _ paladins) retrieved an energy source for the planet’s defenses.  It had seemed like a ridiculous request at the time, and the obvious choice was to leave Shiro and Ryou behind, with the castle in the air as a go between.

Instead, they’d been sitting ducks when Lotor and his generals  _ did _ attack.  There was no amount of bodyguarding that could protect the leaders when the Galra were firing upon the city.

Now Shiro and Ryou were alone  They were separated from the leaders, assuming they’d even survived the shot from that strange ship of Lotor’s.  They had no defense from the castle once they were forced to flee.  They were outgunned, outnumbered, outmatched, and clad in the universe’s least camouflaged armor as they tried to figure out what the hell to do next.

And Ryou was asking him stupid questions.

Shiro narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what was going through Ryou’s brain.  “Did you hit your head?”

Shaking his head, Ryou shrugged one shoulder.  “No, I’m fine.  I’m just thinking.  Quintessence is basically part of the soul, right?  And that can be measured by the lions.  It can even be categorized.  So what about luck?”

“I assume if it could, the Alteans would know about it,” Shiro replied shortly, rolling his eyes.  They continued to creep through crops of trees, footsteps silent as possible.  Not that their talking was doing them any favors.  “If they don’t, it’s so far beyond our ability to quantify that it doesn’t matter.”

Ryou nodded agreeably.  “Very Clarke’s Third Law.”  It only earned him a short shrug, because yeah, that’s what Shiro was thinking of.  Obviously.

“Maybe they can,” Ryou continued.  “Maybe they scanned you - us - and said, ‘oh, that’s unfortunate.  Probably shouldn’t say anything, poor dear.  He can’t help it.’”

Shiro sighed and glanced back.  “Is this your very long way of saying we’re unlucky?  Because, I hate to break it to you, but you didn’t need to spend five minutes justifying that point.  I  _ know.” _

“Yeah, but it’d be useful to have a number.  Maybe we’d know better than to get into this sort of bullshit.”  Ryou looked up at the trees, sighing.  No doubt he was upset that the branches were both too high and too flimsy to take either of their weights.  It would have been too easy if they could just climb up and wait for help.

“Or we could just be smarter,” Shiro shot back flatly.

Ryou snorted. “Yeah?  Tell me what you would have done differently, had you known the Galra would be here.”

Pausing, Shiro sighed.  “I’d have sent Coran after everyone else sooner, to keep him from having to use up their saved wormhole escaping.  And have gotten the leaders to a more secure building”

“And we’d still be in this stupid mess,” Ryou agreed cheerfully.  He suddenly paused and pressed against a tree, his breath audibly stopping.  Shiro crouched next to him, equally still and silent.

In the distance, there were low voices, too distorted for the translator to properly pick up.  They tromped through the undergrowth, footsteps fading as they grew farther away.

Pushing up on his feet, Shiro tried to peer through the trunks to see.  He started to stand properly, but Ryou caught the back of his armor and yanked him back down.

“What are you doing?” He hissed.  Now that they were inches apart, Shiro could see through his helmet to Ryou’s eyes, wide with alarm.  “You want to get seen?”

“No, I want to see if those were Lotor’s generals, or if he has back-up today,” Shiro muttered back.  “Because if that’s them?  They’re not stupid enough to tromp around like that.  It’s a trap.”

Ryou’s lips pulled down, and he let go of the armor.  “Yeah, alright.  Good point.”  He took a deep, unhappy breath.  “What do they expect us to do?  Run the opposite direction, or chase them down and try to fight while they’re separated?”

Good question.  Shiro tapped his fingers against his knee.  “Either one,” he finally decided.  “So we take a third door.”  He glanced around quickly, making sure no one else was close to them.  Then he carefully projected a small screen on the tree, hand cupped just above it to help block the light.  It showed a map of the city and the surrounding forest, with a small dot for where they were.  “The town is that way.  I don’t think they’ll expect us to go back so soon after it was shot.”

“For good reason,” Ryou muttered back.  “But alright, yeah.  Best case scenario, we find a way to contact the team.  If not, we’re at least nearby to help with evacuation and rescue efforts.  A layer of dust might help keep us from standing out.”

Shiro snorted.  “The Trillians have four arms.”

“So we’ll stand really close together.”

Cutting off the screen, Shiro sighed.  “It’s our best bet.”

Ryou nodded and stood, his hand braced at the tree.  “Agreed, but we’re also pretty subject to confirmation bias, probably.”

“You think you have a problem contradicting me?” Shiro shot back.  “Do we need to spar again to prove that wrong?”

“I mean we think similarly,” Ryou pointed out flatly.  “So we’re likely to agree with each other.  But, no, you’re right.  I have no problems telling you when you’re being bull-headed.  Lay on, Macduff.”

Reluctantly, Shiro’s lips quirked up.  He nodded toward the town, and they continued their slow creep, essentially ignoring where the maybe-generals maybe-soldiers had gone.

It was slow going.  Each step had to be taken carefully, and more than once they paused from a noise, only to realize it was some kind of local creature.

“We should be getting close,” Shiro whispered, trying to glance through the trees.  They were so densely packed that they could only see a couple dozen feet ahead at a time.  It was the map in Shiro’s suit keeping them on course more than any sense of direction.

Ryou nodded.  “I still don’t hear anyone.  I guess eventually, probably has to work in our favor. At this point-”  There was a crack behind them, like a twig breaking.

Both of them whirled, tense and defensive, but Shiro could see the darting form of a small creature.  “Just an animal again.” he paused, head tilted.  “What a cliche.”

“You greet every alien species you meet with ‘we come in peace’,” Ryou shot back.  Then he paused, eyes narrowed.  “Wait, is that a cat?  Shit, get down!”

Before Ryou could even finish the sentence, a large form fell from the trees, right on top of them.  Shiro managed to roll out of the way, but a thick tail whipped out and cracked over his shoulder.

The blow was glancing, but it was enough to throw Shiro off balance.  He braced for impact, only to hear a loud grunt and the hum of a Galra prosthetic.

Ryou rammed into Narti’s side, sending them both tumbling to the floor.  His arm flashed, a beacon in the shadowy gloom.  He tried to strike at her chest.  The thick tail lashed out again, wrapping around his arm and shoving him backward.  Ryou hit the ground hard, but he immediately twisted and kicked up.

The blow caught Narti in the chin, finally making her lose her grip on his arm.  Her tail pressed against the ground to keep her balance.  Then she whipped it down at Ryou’s neck.

She didn’t get close enough to strike.  Instead Shiro shoved to his feet and threw himself into the fight.  He spun on his heel to kick at her head.

Narti dodged the blow, bending backward so it passed uselessly over her head.  Then she twisted in mid air.  Her leg lashed out, aimed for Shiro’s neck.

Stepping back quickly, Shiro blocked her blow with his Galra arm, then ducked out of the way of her tail.  A moment later, Ryou joined him.  He slashed at Narti’s side while her tail was still occupied.  Her head snapped toward him, despite the lack of eyes.  Then she sidestepped the blow and kicked out, knocking his hand away.

Narti was strong and fast, but Ryou and Shiro had their own advantage.  They knew how each other fought, knew how each other would react.  They had to, both from shared memories and their hours of sparing.  It was easy to fall into sync with each other, one attacking while the other defended, back and forth to keep Narti off balance.

“The cat,” Ryou muttered.  “Where did the cat go?  If we can blind it, she’s easier to take down.”

Shiro glanced around, then paused to roll out of the way of Narti’s snapping tail.  “Right.”  Nothing on the ground around them, unless the cat could blend in better than he thought.  Shiro stepped back, out of Narti’s range.  Ryou took over the brunt of the attack so he could look in peace.  

The higher the vantage point, the better the sight.  So the cat would be up in the trees, safe from the chaos of battle.  Which meant-

There!

The cat sat eerily still on one of the branches, its gaze focused near entirely on Narti and Ryou’s battle.  Right now, neither of them had the upper hand, though Narti was having an easier time getting hits.  But it was keeping the cat’s attention, which was the opportunity they needed.

Backing up, Shiro took a deep breath and calculated the distance up.  About ten feet up, with only a few, fragile branches in between.

Shiro could work with that.

Darting forward, Shiro sprinted to the base of the tree and jumped.  He got several feet up, then planted his foot on the bark and pushed off.  His left hand caught on a branch, just long enough to pull himself higher.  It started to give immediately, but Shiro didn’t need it to hold.  Instead, he activated his arm and slashed.  The cat bunched up, preparing to jump, but he was so close to blinding or injuring it-

There was an ear-shattering crack, not the sound of a breaking branch, but something mechanical.  Shiro was suddenly no longer holding onto the tree.  Instead he was falling.

He had just enough time to register that his side  _ hurt _ .

Then Shiro hit the ground.

His vision went white.

“Shiro!”

There was a grunt and a hiss of pain, but Shiro was too blinded by pain to figure out what was happening.  But soon, Ryou bent over him, eyes wide and terrified.  “Acxa must be nearby.  We have to go get cover from her fire.  Can I pick you up?”

Acxa.  Ranged fighter.  Gun user.

Shiro had been shot.

That explained it.

Getting up was going to hurt like hell, but Shiro nodded.  “Yeah,” he managed.  “Fast.  Where’s Narti?”

“Got a hit when you were about to get the cat,” Ryou replied.  “The shot scared it off, and I was able to knock her down.”  He wrapped an arm around Shiro, just below his arms, and lifted.

Immediately, the sound on Shiro’s side pulled.  He didn’t even manage a scream, only breathless, wheezing noise.

Ryou made a pained noise too, tiny and sympathetic.  “Need your feet under you, Shiro.  I’m so sorry, but you have to.  I know you can, you’ve done this before.”

Nodding, Shiro forced himself to focus.  Vaguely, he realized Ryou had to be talking about the arena, but for once he was too occupied to care.  He managed to balance enough that he was at least not pulling Ryou down with him.  The both of them stumbled away from Narti’s fallen form.

Then only got maybe 50 yards away before Shiro started to sag.  The pain was draining, totally dominating his sight and ability to think.  The only thing keeping his going was Ryou’s steady presence and speed, meaning Shiro either had to keep walking or stumble and fall.

“I can’t-”  Shiro’s voice cracked, and his head sagged forward.  “I can’t.  Ryou, I can’t.”

Nodding, Ryou glanced around, then set Shiro down on the ground again.  “Okay.  Yeah.  No more running for you.  Looks like we’re not getting to town.”

“You can,” Shiro insisted.  “We’re close.  Come back for me.”

Ryou gave him a flat look.  “Yeah, sure.  They’ll never find you here, barely more than a hundred feet from where we just fought them.”

Lips pressed thin, Shiro shrugged.  “Nothing else we can do,” he managed, voice rough and breathless.  He tried to shift, forgetting himself, but the move sent knives of pain arching from the gunshot wound.

Shiro opened his mouth to scream, but Ryou’s gloved hand pressed over it, muffling the noise.  Thrashing, Shiro closed his eyes, hating the way they watered and nearly spilled over.

Once he could control himself again, Shiro shook off Ryou’s hand.  “Just go.  Get help.”

But Ryou looked down at him, expression steeling.  “Here.  I’ve got an idea.”  Reaching down, Ryou took a handful of the muck off the forest floor.  Then, he slapped it onto Shiro’s helmet, smearing it.

Shiro blinked back at him, frowning.  “You want me to get an infection?”

“A pod can fix that,” Ryou replied. “It can’t fix ‘murdered by Lotor’s generals.’  So I’m making you stand out less.  All this stupid white.”  He continued to dump mud onto Shiro’s armor, slowly at least dimming it, if not fully covering the most reflective parts.

“See?  I’ll be fine while you get help.”

Ryou smiled, but it was soft and sad.  “While I do something,” he disagreed, voice mild.

Swallowing hard, Shiro’s stomach dropped.  “While you do  _ what?” _ He shot back, voice falling to a hiss.

“While I do the thing that makes the most sense,” Ryou replied, his smile not slipping at all.  “You’ve got an extra life.  Pretty stupid not to use it, right?”

Shiro shook his head.  Then he winced when that pulled his side again.  “Ryou, you’re not-”

“I’m not a paladin.  I’m not part of this team the way you are.  You think you’re replaceable, but you’re not.  Trust me, I would know.”  Ryou finally reached up, cupping either side of Shiro’s muddy helmet.  “Take good care of them.”

Eyes wide, Shiro stared at Ryou in growing dismay.  “No.  No, listen to me.  You said- you agreed!  We decided what family meant.  Stop this.”

“‘Fraid I can’t do that.  And I told you I was going to protect you.  I meant that.  Now, stay quiet.  Won’t take them long to find us now, so they need to find me first.”  Ryou leaned down and pressed their helmets for one brief moment.  “Hey.  It was pretty cool to have a brother for a bit, right?”

“Don’t you dare,” Shiro hissed back.  “Stop, Ryou, it’s not-”

But Ryou was already pulling back and standing.  He gave a quick ironic salute then turned and ran.

“Ryou!” Shiro whispered, not daring to shout and bring Lotor’s generals on them.  “You can’t-”  He started to get up, but the pain from his side whitted his vision into stars.

No.

Shit,  _ no. _

Slumping against the tree, Shiro closed his burning eyes.

He’d still never told anyone about the web of paladins he’d seen.  Everything was still fragile, and complicated, and Shiro-

Shiro had been a coward.  So he’d put it off.  Ryou had said he’d knock out Shiro’s teeth, and he was right to be upset.  Shiro would be too.  

But he’d also said the team came first, even over himself and his clone.  That hadn’t changed as their relationship evolved.

At the end of the day, Shiro could only make the choices that got everyone through to the next day.  Even if he wasn’t leading anymore, he owed them that.  He owed them stability, not questions, not insecurity, not apprehension. 

In the meantime, Ryou had been left thinking he had nothing to offer the lions.  

Shiro knew that pain. His own choices left him without the Black Lion, and it made him useless.  It made him less like a person who could help defend the universe, and more like whatever the Galra had made of him.

How bad would that be if Shiro had been outright rejected by his lion?  Or if he’d been built from scratch just to hurt the team?

Stupid.   _ Stupid. _  Shiro had let it fall to the side, and now his mistake and his uselessness was getting someone killed.

Ryou was going to die out there.  And he knew it.

Extra life.

They were different.  Ryou wasn’t Shiro, hadn’t been for a long time now.

The main difference was that he would save Shiro, and Shiro hadn’t saved either of them.

***

In the distance, Shiro heard gunfire.

“Ryou,” he called into his comm, barely over a hiss.  “Ryou!”

No response.  Not even a grunt.

Ryou had said he didn’t want to be the only one.  Shiro didn’t want that either.

Bracing himself, Shiro started to push himself up the tree.  He was too wounded to fight, but he might at least be able to do- to do something.  Anything.

But pain blinded him, pure white agony, and Shiro slumped back down to the ground.  He clutched his side and felt how wet the undersuit was.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said, eyes closed and jaw set.  “Ryou, I’m sorry.”

No response.

***

Finally, blessedly, the comms clicked, the sign of someone joining the feed.  “Ryou!”  Shiro let out.  “Are you-”

“No, it’s us,” Keith replied.  “Coran used the castle’s wormhole to get to us.  Are you okay?”

“Isn’t Ryou with you?” Lance added, voice strained.  “What happened to him?”

Shiro slumped against the tree and took a deep breath.  “He- I was injured.  He went to... to distract.”

There was a long silence.  “He did what?” Pidge asked.  “Alone?  What was he thinking?”

That Shiro needed to survive more than Ryou did.

Swallowing against his churning stomach, Shiro shook his head.  “He had a stupid idea in his head, and he wouldn’t let me talk him out of it.  I don’t know where he is, but I heard gunfire earlier.  Can you track him by his armor?”

“We should be able to,” Coran replied, low and serious.  “It’ll take a few minutes of triangulation, especially in that dense forest.  Where is Lotor?”

Shiro sighed.  “I have no idea.  At least two of his generals are in the forest with us.”

“First we’ll get to you, Shiro,” Pidge said.  “We’ll get a pod ready-”

“No!”  Wincing, both from the pain and the volume, Shiro shook his head.  “No.  Not yet.  Not until everyone is home.”

“Shiro-”

Lance sighed.  “Look, Keith can go get you in Black, and the rest of us can fly over the forest until we can find Ryou, alright?  And if we draw out Lotor and the other generals, we’ll at least know where they got to.  I could use a good fight right now.”

“Agreed,” Hunk replied.

“Sounds like a plan,” Allura said.

Shiro leaned his helmet against the tree, eyes falling closed.  “Can you find me already?”

“We’ve got your location.  You’re on the edge of the forest, so the signal got out,” Matt said.

“I’ll be there in less than two minutes.”

That all felt so  _ slow, _ but there was nothing Shiro could do about it.  “Okay.  See you in a bit.”

Already, he could hear the faint rocket noises that signaled a ship above - the lions, flying low to try and boost the castle’s signal detection.

Then one came even closer, and Shiro saw huge, gleaming paws land through the final outcropping of trees.  The Black Lion crouched, and Keith ran up, wincing at the sight of Shiro.  “What happened to you?”

“Camouflage,” Shiro replied dryly.  “Ryou’s idea.”

Keith’s lips pressed thin.  He carefully reached down and wrapped his arms under Shiro’s.  “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

On the count of three, Keith heaved Shrio up, holding him close as he let out a choked, long groan.  He shivered in Keith’s hold, fighting the urge to collapse back down.  

But he’d walked through worse, apparently.  

Shiro was glad he didn’t remember that.

“Can you make it to the lion?” Keith asked, still holding up most of Shiro’s weight.

Vaguely, Shiro nodded.  “Yeah.  Just give me-”

“Um, guys?” Hunk called, interrupting.  “I think something’s affecting my lion, like with the Olkari. Yellow keeps pulling down.”

Oh.

Shiro’s chest went tight.

If Yellow was-

That meant-

“Pull up!” Pidge called.  “I don’t see anything on the underside of Yellow, but-”

“No.  Go down.”

There was a long pause.  “Shiro?”  Allura asked.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Shiro closed his eyes as his stomach twisted.  “The Yellow Lion is trying to get to Ryou.”

“Why would-” Lance suddenly cut off.  “He...”

There was another pause, then Hunk took a deep breath.  “Understood.  Let’s go, buddy.”

The answering roar echoed loudly over Shiro and Keith’s heads.  He saw the trees sway as yellow claws raked the top of them, and then the ground shook with the impact.

They were close.

And if Yellow was still responding, then Ryou was  _ alive. _

“Keith,” Shiro started, turning to look at him.

Keith glanced over, then nodded.  “We’ll go in Black.”  With that, he heaved Shiro up, taking more of his weight than his small frame would suggest.  Then he half dragged Shiro to the lion and into the cockpit.

Then he plopped Shiro down in the pilot’s chair.

“Keith-”

“No, enough,” Keith shot back.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but right now, you’re the one Black will respond to.  So go get to Ryou.  Besides, you need the chair more than I do.”

Shiro swallowed, prepared to argue.  But the lion hummed under him, a gentle purr he’d been denying himself for weeks.

This time, Shiro couldn’t bring himself to say no.

He didn’t put his hand on the control, not able to lift his arms that much.  But he didn’t need to.

Black bulldozed through the forest like the trees were made of cardboard, moving to stand next to Yellow.

Who was crouched over Ryou, face bloodied and missing a helmet, but alive.

Alive and awed as he stared up at the growling fiercly lion.

Axca and Narti looked comically small against the lions.  Axca kept her gun up and trained on Ryou, as if a threat to keep them still while the generals backed away.

In response, the Yellow Lion crouched lower, ready to block, and the Shiro raised the Black Lion’s tail warningly.  It glowed dangerously, gaining power.

Both of them disappeared into the underbrush.

Maybe the smart answer was to chase them, but Shiro couldn’t really care.  Not when Ryou was right there and alive. 

“Axca and Narti are running north,” Keith called.  “That’s probably where their ship will come from.”

“Gotcha,” Pidge called.  “We’re watching.”

Lance let out an impatient noise. “How’s Ryou?”

“Alive,” Shiro replied.  As he watched, the Yellow Lion’s mouth opened, and Hunk hustled out.  He spoke to Ryou briefly, then heaved him up in one go.  It might have been an amusing sight if Shiro could tell how injured Ryou was.

“I’ve got him,” Hunk replied.  “He’s alright.”

Ryou snorted, and the familiar noise made Shiro slump back in his seat.  “Well, for a certain measure of alright.  I’m bruised to hell, and I lost my helmet a while ago.  You had good timing.  They just finally caught me.”

“You can thank Yellow for that,” Hunk replied, though slightly hesitantly.

On screen, Pidge’s face popped up.  “Good to see you both in mostly one piece.”

Yellow’s feed popped up next, showing Hunk in the chair, and Ryou leaning heavily against him.  There was a trickle of blood from his hairline, staining strands of his bangs pink.  

“Thank Yellow for... oh!”  Ryou’s expression bloomed into awe, making Shiro’s stomach drop.  He slowly smiled.  “So that’s what I was feeling.  Hey there.”

Next to him, Hunk’s brows furrowed, then softened out.  “Nice, right?  How’d you know that’s what was happening, Shiro?”

For a moment, Ryou didn’t seem to hear the words, distracted by Yellow.  Then, slowly, his brows came together.  “Shiro knew.  You-  _ What?” _

“This is a discussion for later,” Shiro said.  “Lotor will be here-”

“No.  No!  I don’t give a damn!”  Ryou’s face twisted with rage and hurt, and he jabbed a finger toward the feed.  “You knew Yellow would respond to me?  How long have you- oh you little  _ shit. _  This is what you’ve been hiding!”

Stomach churning, Shiro swallowed hard and nodded.

Allura’s face popped up on screen next.  “Apologies, but Shiro is right. We don’t have time to fight betwen ourselves.  We have to defend the city.”

“How much of it is left?” Shiro asked.  

Coran let out a sad sigh.  “Not much.  But there are still plenty of life signs in the area.  And-”

“Incoming!” Matt interrupted.  “There’s a huge amount of power building-”  He cut off as there was a streak from the horizon that impacted hard with the Castle of Lions.

“Later,” Shiro repeated, voice strengthening.  “Keith, take over.”

“Shiro-”

Looking over, Shiro gave Keith a flat look.  “I’m bleeding heavily.”

Cheeks coloring, Keith nodded.  “Fine.  Next time.  Swear to me.”

Shiro nodded.  “Alright, I will.  I swear it.  Now, these people need Voltron.”

It took some shuffling, but Shiro braced himself against a wall as Keith took the seat back over.

“I-”  Ryou hesitated, a note of clear wanting in his tone.  Then he sighed.  “Yeah.  I’ll take a seat.  Go get ‘em, guys.”

“No problem,” Lance replied.  “Let’s go show Lotor why sneaking around behind our backs is a bad idea.”

As the battle began in earnest, Shiro clutched the wall and wished that line didn’t apply to him as well.

***

Hours later, Shiro knocked on the door to Ryou’s room.

There was a long pause before it finally slid open, letting him in.  Ryou sat up on his bed, braced on his forearms, and stared at Shiro.

“You, uh...”  Shiro swallowed hard and resisted the urge to fidget.  “You weren’t there when I got out of the pod.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Ryou agreed, voice low.  “It was just a couple of hours.  You were fine.”

Well, that didn’t make it hurt less.

Taking a deep breath, Shiro shoved his hands into the pocket of his vest.  “Can you just knock my teeth out like you said you would, and this can be over?”

Ryou sighed and sat up properly, shoulders set and tight.  “No.  It’s not that simple.”

“It never is,” Shiro agreed, sighing.  “Look, I-”

“I get it,” Ryou said, voice hardening.  “You told me why, when you were talking about you and Black.  You wanted them to feel stable.  Fine.  I get it.”  His head ducked further, and his eyes shut.  “Though you could have told  _ me.” _

“I wanted you to feel stable too,” Shiro replied.  “But you’re right.  I should have.  I’m sorry.”

Ryou’s eyes stayed closed.  “Yeah.”

The decent thing to do would have been to leave and give Ryou space.  He deserved to be mad, since Shiro knew exactly what he’d put him through.  He’d let Ryou feel useless and unworthy to avoid complications.  It wasn’t fair, and Shiro had been wrong, even if his intentions had been good.  He’d known it was wrong when he made the choice, but he’d still done it.

But Shiro also felt rooted in place.  It was giving up, to just walk away.  There had to be something to do to make this right.

So he stepped forward.  “Ryou..” 

Eyes snapping open, Ryou glared at him.  “You don’t trust me.  I get it.  That’s all I need to know.”

“No!  It’s not that.  I just-”  Shiro shook his head.  “Ryou, I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“What do I need to do?”

Ryou groaned and flopped back on his bed.  “Oh my god, you suck at this.  I’m mad at you.  Get over it.”

Running his hand through his hair, Shiro shook his head.  “I can’t.  I hurt you.  I want to make this even and I don’t know how.”

“You can’t.  You screwed up and you did it on purpose and now you get to deal with it.”  Ryou reached back and picked up a pillow, clutching it to his chest.  “You jackass.”

Shiro swallowed hard again, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.  Honestly, he was scared.  In a deeply childish way that Shiro didn’t want to admit to.

But this was Ryou.  Their entire relationship was built on having one person who got it.

“Is this it, then?”  Had Shiro ruined what they’d built?

Pausing, Ryou looked up.  His eyes roamed over Shiro’s face, and then he sighed.  “No.  You’re all stuck with me.  I don’t hate you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.  But I’m still going to knock your teeth out later.  Go the hell away.”

Well, that didn’t make Shiro exactly feel better, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.  I’ll see you later.”

“Undoubtedly.”

With that, Shiro finally stepped out and rubbed over his face.

So making it up to Ryou wasn’t going to start there.

Which meant there was one other person to talk to.

***

The door to Lance’s room slid open, and his brows jumped at the sight of Shiro.  

“You needed something?” Lance asked, looking him over.  There was still a tension to his face, crinkles in the corner of his eye and the side of his mouth.

Which, yeah, Shiro deserved.  Lance and Ryou’s friendship occasionally gave him pause.  They were liable to get up to mischief, like hair dying and flirt battles.  But no one could deny that they cared about each other.

“Advice,” Shiro admitted.  “How to help.”

Lance looked over his face, head tilted.  “You need me for that?” He asked.  “You and Ryou talk.  You know him well.”

Shrugging one shoulder, Shiro sighed.  “Our talks tend to be fairly heavy. You know what he likes more than I do.”

“That’s kinda sad, dude,” Lance pointed out.  “You really only have heavy, philosophical conversations all the time?  Jeez.”

Shiro just shrugged again because yeah.  They were disasters.  He already knew that.

Finally, Lance nodded and stepped back.  “Yeah, alright. C’mon in.  What were you thinking?”

“Well, something to... great him as a paladin.  Something to make this positive like it should be.”  Shiro slumped, rubbing his natural hand along where metal met flesh.  “I don’t know what that looks like.”

Lance’s lips finally quirked up.  “Well, lucky for you, I do.”  He pulled over his pad and started to tap on it.  “There.  Hunk’s gunna help.”

Wincing, Shiro resisted the urge to look down at the message.  “He’s okay with it?  That he’s not the only Yellow Paladin?”

“I mean, it’s going to be an adjustment,” Lance admitted.  “But I don’t think so, no.  He seemed alright when I asked.  How  _ did _ you know, anyway?  That Yellow would respond to Ryou?”

Ah, jeez.  Shiro took a deep breath.  “Black told me.  When I first got back.  Ryou couldn’t work with Black because he doesn’t have the quintessence the lion needs, but only just barely short.  He has enough for the rest of the lions, and he matches with Yellow.”

“And you just _ sat  _ on that?”

Shiro shrugged.  “No one was really sure what to do now that I was back.  I wanted you all to feel like you had a stable place, like in the beginning.”

For a moment, Lance just took him in.  Then he grabbed his pillow and smacked Shiro on the shoulder with it.  “That’s a really lame reason.  We adapted once.  In, like, days.  We could adjust to more.  We’re paladins, Shiro, and even if you’re our leader, you have to trust us to pull our weight.”

“I do!  I just-”  Shiro winced.  “You could.  But you shouldn’t have to.  And I wanted a steady baseline, rather than having half a dozen possible combinations.  Then I just... never felt like it was the right time.  I screwed up, I get it.”

Lance nodded and put the pillow back down.  “Fine, fine.  But seriously.  Half a dozen versions?  How’s that work?”

Shiro managed a smile.  “By more of us swapping around.”

“Oh.”  Lance blinked rapidly, taking that in.  “Huh.  You’re going to tell me all about that while we work, you got it?”

“Yeah, I will.”  Shiro looked over at Lance, brows up.  “What’s the plan, then?”

Lance just grinned.

***

Stopping in the doorway to Yellow’s hangar, Shiro stuck out his arm, stopping Lance before he could keep walking.  

“What?” Lance murmured, rubbing his chest.  “Ow, Shiro.  You just soccer mom armed me.”

Shiro offered an apologetic smile, then held his finger to his lips, nodding to Yellow.  From here he could just barely hear Hunk and Ryou talking.

“You’re really okay with this?” Ryou asked.  He clutched his helmet to his chest, eyes wide as he took in Yellow’s massive, bulky form.

Groaning, Hunk knocked his shoulder into Ryou’s.  “Yes, for the tenth time.  Enough.  I’m not lying to be nice.”

Ryou glanced at him, shoulders tight.  “I mean, I’d get it if you weren’t comfortable with this.  The bonds are so personal, and I don’t want to make you feel like I’m intruding.  I’ve been fine so far.  This doesn’t need to go farther.”

This time, Hunk hesitated.  He put his hand on Yellow’s bottom fang, smoothing up and down absently.  “It’s a little weird.  But we’ve known the lions can have more than one pilot before.  And, honestly?  I think it’s a good thing.  Voltron is so fragile, you know?”

Head tilted, Ryou slowly shook his head.  “I mean, Voltron is powerful and pretty sturdy, all in all.”

“The robot, yeah.  The lions.  But not us.  Like, what happens if we’re off world and I trip and fall and break my arm, and then we still need Voltron that afternoon?  Do we drag me out of a pod?”  Hunk shrugged.  “It’s always weirded me out that Voltron teams just are.  No redundant systems.  I’d never trust a ship without built-in back-ups.”

Ryou made a quiet, understanding noise and backed up a couple of steps. Shiro prepared to duck away, but Ryou didn’t turn back around.  Instead he looked up, taking in all of Yellow.  “I hadn’t really thought about it.  But you’re right.  And the original paladins were all leaders of their cultures.  What if someone was in a talk and not near their lion?”

“Exactly.”  Hunk’s head bobbed.  He hunched in on himself slightly, arms wrapping around his waist.  “I’ve, you know, worried about that.  A lot.  If we might let a planet be taken because someone couldn’t fly that day.  Then it was real for a little while, when Shiro was gone, but we shifted lions and adapted.  It was pure luck it worked out.”

Stepping over, Ryou put his hand on Hunk’s shoulder.  “Hey, you all did great.  That’s why I’m not willing to push this.  I don’t want to mess up the team you have.”

Hunk turned to face Ryou.  “No, I want you to!  Even if it’ll be weird, and yeah, you’re probably a better pilot, so it does make me a little nervous.  But I’ll feel so much  _ better _ if there are options, just in case.  I never want that to happen again.  I never want to have to worry if losing someone also means failing the universe.  I never want to have to balance grieving with Voltron again.”

Stomach twisting, Shiro looked down at his feet.  He didn’t miss the pointed look Lance threw him.

“Oh.”  Ryou’s arm slid around, pulling Hunk in closer in a half-hug.  “I’m sorry.  Yeah, I understand that.  And, hey, just means we’ve got to be better at bringing everyone home, right?”

Hunk nodded, leaning easily into Ryou’s side.  “Yeah.  Like you two said.  Family.”

“You could hear that?”

Snorting, Hunk patted Ryou on the back.  “You two said it in front of everyone.  Even if you whispered.”

Ryou groaned and rested his head on Hunk’s head.  “Dammit.  We really need to work on that subtle thing.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.  It’s the only way we can keep track of you both.”  Hunk repeated the pat, this time harder.  “Wanna fly Yellow?”

Perking, Ryou started to nod, but Shiro knocked on the door to the hangar.  “Hey, sorry.  Can we interrupt for a minute?”

Ryou tensed and whirled around.  Immediately, he started to scowl, but then he took in Lance as well.  “Depends.  What for?”

“Well,” Lance said.  “We figured if you’re going to be the Yellow Paladin now, you should get the trappings too, right?”  He held up the bundle in his arms, a mass of bright yellow fabric with black trim.  On top was a hair of Yellow Lion themed slippers.  “I asked Coran how they’re made a little while back, so Allura could get some.  Now it’s your turn.”

“And, if you’d like, we can upgrade your armor,” Shiro added.  “Make them match.”

Automatically, Ryou pulled the helmet closer, though his expression had softened.  “I- I mean, I don’t have to match.  Half of us don’t.  I like the white.”  The words came out small, almost reluctant.

Shiro smiled back, chest melting.  “Okay.  Good.  They can stay.  If you want, we can- well, Lance can, or he can show me - do a white version of all this.”

Ryou glanced at Hunk, and got a smile in return.  “You were in on this, weren’t you?”

“A little,” Hunk admitted.  “Nothing I wasn’t going to do already.”

Rolling his eyes, Ryou gave another smile, then finally trotted over.  He shoved the helmet on and then took Lance’s offering.  “Did you really just let Shiro sign his name onto your present?”

Lance whined playfully.  “He looked so sad, Ryou!  I couldn’t tell him no.  It was like kicking a puppy.”

“He deserves it,” Ryou replied back, nose in the air.  But he smiled as he took the bundle, running his hands over the soft fur of the slippers.  “I like this.  It’s a nice gesture.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  And, hey, you’re a leg!”

“I’m a leg!”  Ryou glanced back over his shoulder to beam at Hunk, who laughed.  “It... it really suits, actually.  Just me.”

“It does,” Shiro agreed softly, then winced.  He was being pretty clearly ignored, so he should probably keep his mouth shut.  But it deserved to be said.

Ryou finally looked over.  “Did you immediately go to Lance with your tail between your legs?”

Wincing, Shiro nodded.  “Yeah.  I’m... you know.”

“You suck at actually dealing with mistakes.  I know.”  Ryou sighed and shook his head.  “I’m still furious with you.”

“You should be,” Shiro agreed.  “I hurt you.  But it wasn’t because I don’t trust you.  You know that.”

For a moment, Ryou’s expression stormed over.  But then he sighed.  “Yeah.  I do.  If only because you don’t have a choice but to talk to me.”

Shiro offered a smile.  “I always had a choice.  I could have held back from you and stayed uncomfortable.  It would have been easy.  I had all the excuses I needed.  But I didn’t, and I do trust you.”

Blinking rapidly, Ryou nodded.  He hesitated, then stepped forward and pressed his helmet to Shiro’s forehead.  “Alright.  I believe you.”

“Good.”  Shiro reached up and held either side of his helmet, offering a smile.  “You’re not an extra life.  It’s good to have a brother, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Ryou’s eyes widened, then went bright.

It occurred to Shiro it was the first time he’d said the word seriously.

Well, it was true.  Odd as it was, fraught as they were, he meant it.  They were family.

“Besides,” Shiro admitted, copying Ryou’s flip, joking tone.  “It means you have to deal with family reunions too.”

Ryou laughed, and it was definitely watery.  “No way.  Not a chance.”

“But you’re my brother.”

Ducking away, Ryou beamed, cheeks flushed and eyes red on the edge.  “Do it yourself, you lazy jerk.”  Then he turned and pulled Lance into an easy, one-armed hug.  “Thanks.  Next time, seriously, don’t let him weasel his way into your presents.  It’s how he gets away with always forgetting about holidays.”

Lance patted him on the back, smiling just as broadly.  “Noted.  Thanks for the warning.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Shiro drawled.  

Finally stepping over, Hunk patted Ryou’s arm.  “While we’re giving out paladin stuff, there’s one more thing you need, at least some of the time.”  

With that, he reached down and retrieved the yellow bayard, then held it out.

Ryou’s breath audibly caught.  He reached out, then paused right over it.  “I don’t need it.”

“You’re a Yellow Paladin too,” Hunk replied, without hesitation.  “Even if you don’t usually use it, you should know what you’ll get.”

Slowly, Ryou took it, fingers gripping hard around the bayard.

But it didn’t turn into anything.  Instead he whirled around, and he pointed it at Shiro.  “I’m not doing it until you do too,” he declared, head held high.  “No more hiding.  It’s been long enough.”

Shiro froze utterly, heart stuttering.  “I- but... you’re right, we don’t need it, and...”

“I think I heard you promise Keith,” Lance pointed out, arms crossed.  “Swore, even.  You going to go back on that?”

Hands trembling, Shiro took a deep breath.

So long as he didn’t think about it, so long as he focused on something else and let himself believe it was for the best, Shiro could hold back the wave of pure  _ longing. _

But not anymore.

“Okay,” Shiro agreed.  “Together.  After you fly.  Then we can spar, and you can knock out my teeth as promised.”

Ryou shot him a vicious smile, then glanced back, taking in Yellow again.  This time, Shiro could see his face, including the way it softened and his shoulders straightened.  He looked centered and sturdy, a similar change to the way Hunk had gained confidence as a paladin.

It was a good look on them both.

“Yeah,” Ryou said, standing tall.  “Let’s go.”

This was going to be complicated.  Shiro had already talked about the possibilities multiple pilots presented to Lance, and he’d have to repeat it for everyone.  There were so many more possibilities now, and they all had to be able to form Voltron if needed.

But Hunk was right.  In trying to give everyone a chance to settle, Shiro had withheld something just as necessary.  He’d given them short term confidence at the expense of long term stability.

And he hadn’t even given that much to himself and Ryou.

Shiro had plenty of regrets.  He’d made mistakes, more than his share.  But if he trusted his team for one thing, it was guiding him toward better decisions, to being a better person.

Right now, Hunk was smiling, amused at Ryou’s open glee, and Lance was watching with serene contentment.

This was right.

This team - this family - was more than Shiro had given them credit for.

It was time to meet them there.

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats to everyone who said Yellow!
> 
> Now to see how Season 4 will hurt me.


End file.
